The mayor of Hungary is going to war

In the year of the Lord 2022, on the third day of the month of St. George, Péter VagyVagy, whom his family only nicknamed Captain, set out to defeat the tyrant of Muscaföld, the deranged Vova, who at that time was hiding within the walls of the distant Kremlin, with the support of his heroic army.

On that chilly morning, on the third day of the month of St. George, Peter VagyVagy's turquoise flag - which was sewn in the country of the Community of Communities - even flew against the wind, just to boldly proclaim the slogan that the Captain had dreamed up the night before: "East or West, war or peace" ! His followers chanted Péter's truth with misty eyes, the only one in existence on Facebook, and 160,000 hearts beat together in front of the monitors.

As soon as the Captain saw that the time had come, he hugged his wife and six or seven children to his bosom in a live broadcast, saying goodbye: only up ! So he hopped up on his Chinese-made battle chariot - BMW also promised a chariot, but stopped production due to the EU sanctions on the musketeers, so the hell with those Russian cable bundles! - and went to war. With two Grad rockets in the shape of Túró Rudi in his pocket and a map from the Bourbon king, he headed east, and according to the previous forecasts of the Ukrainian Foreign Ministry, traveling at a speed of 400 kilometers per hour, he reached the border of Bulgaria in about a quarter of an hour from Vásárhely.

When the Gyulavarsánd people told him that he was in Transylvania, the Captain was momentarily confused, but it really only lasted for a moment, because immediately afterwards, defying the sly glances of the Hungarian dogs, he shouted: "propaganda is a weapon, a lie kills " !

They shrugged their shoulders, and Péter VagyVagy resolutely continued eastward, and soon reached Odessa, where, climbing to the highest step of the Patyomkin Stairs, he demanded from the Iranian people that the Ukrainian king immediately appear before him, because the relief army had arrived in his person. At this, the Russian soldiers, who made use of the language trick and deceptively resembled the Ukrainian soldiers, took hold of the war chariot and threw it into the Black Sea under the captaincy and with a turquoise flag. However, Péter was not made of wood to be discouraged by such a trifling challenge, so he made up his mind and swam up the Danube Delta to Romania, and based on the map of the Bourbons, he crossed the border of another country under the cover of night and arrived - in Romania.

In this strangely familiar country, he drove his cart to Kossuth Square, a little tired but not losing his enthusiasm, shook off the water, and immediately ordered his loyal followers in front of the country house, where a crowd of ten or twenty soon gathered around him. At that time, he addressed his people in a live broadcast:

"There are many traitors, they are either active or less active. We don't know what drives them." This time they only tried to kill me when they changed my weapon to Túró Rudi, but they don't know that they saved me with it, they don't know that without alms I wouldn't have been able to defeat the evil and swim across the big water!

Hearing this, the 160,000-strong supporter army stopped, some looked at each other confused, others even more confused in the virtual space, and the traitorous friends of Péter VagyVagy felt that they were powerless against the Captain's genius. He continued:

So I will tell you, mushrooms kept in the dark, how I single-handedly defeated the tyrant Vova, and how I managed to ensure that neither the Russian gas nor the two Paks now threaten the security of the homeland! The last time I spoke to you was from Odessa, from the top of the Patyomkin steps, where my true allies, the great sons of NATO, arrived not long after and took me in stealth mode above the Kremlin. From there, I parachuted into the darkness, sped at a speed of 3,000 kilometers per hour "only uphill" , then landed directly on the top of the Iván Nagy bell tower, from where I landed with thirteen somersaults and crawled over to Vova's residence. I learned this when I was a real estate agent.

At that time, the Russian tsar was raping the Ukrainian secretaries in the basement, but when he saw me, he was so scared that he ran into the reception hall, where I chased him around the table until he suffocated. To disguise himself, he suddenly turned into a bear, chewed a bit on the inlay, but I could see in his eyes that he knew there was no escape. I jumped on his back, poured vodka in his face, put a pie in his ear, twisted three around his neck, spat in his mouth and tore out his heart with my own hands.

So go in peace, find a teapot and a flowerpot, enjoy your safety, and remember, I brought it for you! And the men of military age should get ready, because the third world war has broken out. Or have I not mentioned this yet?

Photo: Máté Krisztián / Hungarian Nation

The italicized passages were spoken by the opposition prime minister candidate during the election campaign.