"I like to experience and experience how the two extreme generations next to me, the one above and the one below, love each other so much, and even understand each other so much, because sometimes they seem like accomplices."
We talk a lot about the good influence grandparents have on children and vice versa, grandparents almost become younger because of the tasks around small children, and of course also because they are needed. It gives them energy that they can't really grow old, because then they wouldn't be able to pretend and run around the children.
Being a grandparent is wonderful, but if we want to maintain healthy family relationships, we need to know where the boundaries are. I strongly believe that a balance must be sought in this matter as well: no one should have too many connections, the freedom of loving relationships that started out as beautiful should not become an expectation of the grandparents. In Hungarian, grandparents should give as much as their situation, status, and opportunities allow, and as much as their heart dictates, that's enough. It is not worth taking advantage of them, just as it is not worth it if the grandparents completely remove themselves from the life of the family, for example on the grounds that they have already worked enough and raised their own children. I cannot accept this argument, because although it is true that many have already fought their battles with life, and for that there is great gratitude and respect on all fronts, let's not forget that if they were lucky, they themselves received help in raising children from their own parents.
This is the natural order of life: we help our children, then they help us as we get older, and in the process raise their own children...
Many things can be messed up as grandparents, and as young parents we can also hurt our parents who want grandchildren in various ways - but we can also experience so much joy if, as a new mother or father, we let our parents and children find each other! This article would rather point to the beautiful feeling that young parents experience when they see their own parents together with their own small children. Because this completeness is hardly mentioned, even though beyond the physical need ("can you run to the kindergarten for them?"), it is a real help for the soul in a difficult period - or indeed after a childhood painful from lack.
I recently realized this myself through an example, when a father I know told me that he had a lot of bad feelings towards his own father until his own daughter was born. There was a lot of unspoken, never revealed loss and anger in him because his father worked too much long ago and was almost never present. Then, after the grandson was born, the situation changed, because you can't move the father away from the little one. He would be constantly present, he would go to them, whether they asked or not, and he would do anything, just to hold the little girl for five minutes, whom he loves so much that words cannot describe it.
According to the boy, the sight, the space, the atmosphere, the closeness of the overflowing, overflowing emotions, the intimacy in the children's room have a healing effect on him. She experienced many absences with her father, but when she sees the "old man" and her tiny little daughter together in that aged palm, as she found hugs, acceptance, and rocking there, it also relieves the pain backwards. It brought relief and gave nice, peaceful feelings.
“I found myself with tears in my eyes as I looked at them and instinctively walked over to them, hugging them both at the same time. It was a wonderful moment, I think for my father as well. I could see it in his eyes even if he didn't say anything. I believe that the way he approaches, that he comes, that he is present, that he asks for a part in the care, that he takes his part, that that he helps, is for him a means of apologizing. Every time he is with us is emotional and spiritual rehabilitation," said the young father. "If I look at myself, I have to admit: a few years ago I still thought that when he got old, the pain would come back, because I didn't really want to look for him.
I was angry for the many missed holidays, that he was never by my side, that he missed me on every birthday, that his work was always more important than me and my sister.
But when my daughter was born, I also felt a sense of responsibility to give her everything, and that includes a healthy family and grandparents. My father came a few times and seeing them together put a lot of things in a different light in retrospect. And it just feels good to be there with us. I like to experience and experience how the two extreme generations next to me, the one above and the one below, love each other so much, and even understand each other so much, because sometimes they seem like accomplices.
It's interesting to see that while my father said no to me many times, he is unable to say no to my daughter - just a nudge will have her in his lap, and she doesn't even know how to pamper him. Fortunately, my wife also understands the situation and supports us in this new union, in this becoming a family, in this recovery. And for that, I can never thank him enough.”
The guy told me that today he better understands his father's behavior and decisions at that time. He tries not to make these mistakes, but he now sees better how difficult it is to be right in all areas of life. He does not think that his father made a good decision, but he has already realized that he chose "the easy way" not out of malice or carelessness.
He doesn't say it, maybe because he didn't express it to himself either, but I think he heals from the love with which his father turns to his grandson, because he feels that the old man loves him just as much. I hope you both feel it.
Featured Image: Pixabay
