Child rearing in the past and today - but how exactly have parenting attitudes changed in modern times?
At the age of 30, I obtained a kindergarten teacher's diploma in 1977, and in 1976 I worked as an unqualified kindergarten teacher in a factory kindergarten. There I was able to see the difficult situation of mothers and their children working in two shifts. Many times we put the little child to bed half asleep at 6 in the morning. It was nice to feel that we were easing the mothers' hearts a little and trying to make up for their lack with our love.
When I think of my parents at that time, the first thing that comes to mind is respect and grateful looks.
To this day, we are happy to greet each other when I meet some of them, and I enjoy listening to the stories of their children (my former kindergarten students) who have become parents, and even their grandchildren. They also listen to me with love as a grandmother.
In my memories, their children live as lively, but kind children who were influenced by good words and occupation, it was easy to hold their attention.
What has changed over the decades?
Respect
My second workplace is a newly built so-called
it was a council kindergarten that received children from a large housing estate. At the time, this kindergarten was the most modern in my town, as a two-story wonder palace with a gymnasium, a large courtyard, and a swimming pool. We, the kindergarten teachers, beautified the spacious, bright group rooms with great zeal in order to receive the little ones with dignity. Even then, the parents were very cooperative, they appreciated how well their children were placed, and not just because of the material conditions.
I remember how much they enjoyed sewing the dolls, embroidering the tablecloths, and sometimes on Saturdays they helped with social work (the dads too) in gardening, planting saplings, and moving furniture.
There were large groups, the number of 32-33 was not uncommon, but we did not get tired, because the atmosphere was good, we rejoiced together with the parents at the small and large successes. They didn't take it lightly if we had a suggestion about their child, we were also happy to hear from them when they asked for advice.
As the years passed and the good conditions became natural, this respect began to wane, we experienced dissatisfaction with one parent at a time, e.g. because we asked the mother, who was with her little brother, to take her child home after lunch, because she cannot receive two subsidies. The fact that he could have lunch in the kindergarten was already a concession. Later we started to be more lenient so that the poor mother would not have to take the bus with the little one. It happened that the mother's kindergarten child stayed in the kindergarten until closing time.
Time for the kids
If a child is taken care of at home, he is also interested and attentive in kindergarten. There were more and more children who were disturbing their peers and thus also the occupation. A kindergarten teacher can handle this problem. During my 30-year career, there were still 2-3 children with whom I could not find the right method, and by the end of the day I was exhausted as if I had worked in a mine.
Maybe I should have hugged him because he didn't know what was wrong with him either?! One of these children was taken by the mother to another kindergarten, and after a few months to a private kindergarten, but because "bad teachers were caught" everywhere, a kindergarten teacher was called to the house. As far as I know, he ran away soon. This is a typical example of a mother tiger always being right for her child.
Unfortunately, he doesn't think about the fact that a recalcitrant child becomes a recalcitrant adult who finds it difficult to be accepted by a community.
Lack of agenda
It is no accident that a healthy daily routine is established from the newborn age. This gives the child security and later orientation points in the world. I had a sweet story with my grandson. Unfortunately, my daughters live abroad, but I used to be able to spend most of the summer vacation together with the boy. On one such occasion, at bedtime, he said:
"Mom, what's the order tomorrow?"
Less movement
An important part of the agenda is outdoor activities, games, and exercise. Our mothers almost dragged us out to the yard or to a nearby playground if they didn't have time to come with us. We were never bored. We played cards, played pinball, and created a stage. That was the talent search. The children of the street gathered, and the older girls taught them poetry and dance.
My mother sewed all day, but she took time to take us to the park and the beach, and she took the needlework with her. In the meantime, he not only set an example with his diligence, but also educated and taught manners. It was also natural that he would wait for us every day with a fresh lunch from kindergarten and school.
We could no longer allow our children such freedom with the increase in traffic, but we also took them to the park, playground, and beach. We didn't know Gyesbetsegég. We made acquaintances with other parents that connect us even today, as grandmothers.
Even now, many young mothers in my environment carry on these good habits from their families. They go on trips, have picnics with other families with children, and live a communal life. And at the same time, they unwittingly educate and have a good influence.
There are many opportunities for sports and dance in my city, and I am happy to see that many people take advantage of this opportunity. This is the only way to raise a happy, yet disciplined child.
"Sport is not only physical education, but also one of the most powerful educational tools for the soul." /Szent-Györgyi Albert/
Lack of consistency and determination
The majority are still good parents and educators. They used to be authoritarian, so-called autocratic parents, even teachers, and even today there are consistent parents who do not allow everything. Otherwise, the situation decides whether I stop the child in a non-confrontational way, firmly (but not shouting) or explain why what he is doing is wrong.
I find in most cases that adults beg when they should be told to. And if the seedling doesn't do what you ask, there are no consequences.
You get even the most expensive machine unconditionally, just because you promised it a long time ago. And then he can't drag his child away from there.
Parents who want to become friends with their children
We hear a lot about the dangers of liberal education.
Yes, it came from the west, and many people want to be their child's friend rather than responsible parent.
In the past, if we got a bad grade at school, we were even slapped at home. Of course, this is not what I want to promote, but the teacher should not be slapped, or even reprimanded, if he can only evaluate the student's lack of knowledge and unpreparedness with a bad grade.
Electronic gadgets instead of a real connection
Back then, we didn't live in the world of gadgets, but even then we emphasized the importance of a story, or even a song, in the voice of father or mother - instead of a tape recorder.
The increase in material well-being and, in parallel, the crazy pace of technical development rewrote the rules of coexistence and education. More and more often, I have experienced that the decrease in time spent with the child was compensated with material gifts, and many people still do this today. However, the best educational effect comes from an experience or action lived together.
I'm starting to think that the child is no longer the master in the family, but the DOG!
He became sole ruler, almost the most important family member. It starts with our admiration for our two-year-old child and grandson, the expertise with which he handles our smart phone.
And with this, we also lay the foundation for his later addiction.
We need the Internet and the accompanying gadgets because it has many uses and we don't want to reverse the wheel of development. It could also be used brilliantly in education, as it is already being done in some places. But the parent cannot allow the child to be distracted from family communication, sports, trips, or playing football with friends. Summer should be about water, sunshine, and movement!
Of course, he should also turn off his phone and only listen to his child if he says something. The rules of Kütyüetiketik should finally be laid down.
One of my friends invited her family, 6 adults, 6 grandchildren, to a restaurant for her birthday. After lunch, everyone except the two small grandchildren stared at the smart man. In the house where I live, a fit couple in their 60s go swimming and the gym, while their two teenage sons live like zombies under the spell of the play station.
I guess the parents don't want to be confrontational.
The rules should be laid down in time and help to create the right balance between the child's virtual and real life. This is what I see as the greatest responsibility of parents today.
Featured Image: Shutterstock/SpeedKingz
