Emőke Bagdy, who tragically lost her son recently, works, gives lectures, and has found purpose and meaning in life. In an interview with Vujity Tvrtko, one of the country's most renowned psychotherapists talked about where he is now in grief processing and what has helped him in the past.
At the end of October last year, Zsolt Császár, the son of Emőke Bagdy, was stabbed to death in the United States. Emőke Bagdy stated at the time that she believed that her son, a 53-year-old deeply religious theologian, was ensnared, and that, according to the accusation, 18-year-old African-American Yaaliyah Ezekiel Jackson, who had been at large for two weeks at the time, was murdered. The defendant spent most of his youth in prison. In Arizona, he can even be sentenced to death.
Psychologist Vujity spoke to Tvrtko about how to process such a tragedy and whether he would look into the eyes of the man who took his son's life, as well as whether he can draw strength from his extensive experience in professional psychology. In the interview, she spoke about the loss of her son primarily not as a professional, but as a mother.
He is here or there, my love for him is eternal
Emőke Bagdy said about her son.
The specialist said that in the case of such a severe mourning process, a reorganization takes place in the nervous system that guides the person towards survival, towards supporting life. Illuminating the value and meaning of life.
"Mama, please sit down, Zsolti was killed"
One of the best-known specialist psychologists in the country said about her son - whom she gave birth to as a twin child alongside her daughter - that he was a cheerful, cheerful calm and balanced person. He was always surrounded by people and very helpful. He traveled to the United States of America in order to get somewhat rich, which was not typical in their family until then. Zsolt Császár also had qualifications in catering and theology.
She said of the moment she heard the news of her child's loss that "it was a shocking moment" and then an elemental protest surfaced, which in psychology is called the phase of denial in the grief process. Emőke Bagdy recalled that her daughter, Noémi, called her that morning when she learned about the tragedy.
Mom, please sit down. Zsolti was killed
- this is how his daughter announced the incomprehensible news.
As he said, the moment he heard this, no one and nothing could help him, he experienced an icy loneliness, but he knew he had to acknowledge it. He called those moments that push a person from normality into a different inner world a traumatic situation.
He also revealed that the fact that he is one of the best-known psychotherapists with the most academic degrees in the country does not matter when dealing with loss, because trauma affects us all in the same way, as a "love injury" .
Emőke Bagdy "can't be stopped"
Emőke Bagdy revealed that it is currently still on the way in the processing process. He wanted to speak about the case only when he had something to say. Until then, he turned down inquiries. While her daughter was active, she was withdrawn in her grief. The moment of letting go happened in the church, during a farewell service, to which he and his family are bound by a thousand threads.
I wrote a poem. I have a very close connection to poems. That's how I was able to say goodbye to him
- recalled the psychologist.
A priest friend helped him process, he did not ask for the help of a psychologist. He also walks his spiritual path through his life of faith in the loss of his son.
I cast my vote in favor of eternal life, and I believe that there will be a day when I will finish this earthly journey and continue. Life is eternal
he emphasized.
He also talked about asking himself again and again what he should understand from this tragedy. You want to get the answer in the next steps of your life. You need to do something, but you don't know what yet.
I have received something, but I am not yet in a position to properly account for it
- came to a conclusion.
Only God can forgive the murderer of his son
He mentioned that his family tried to hold him back from working and acting, but he acts according to his inner strength, if he has to go, he goes.
I'm unstoppable
he said.
According to him, life should be given purpose and meaning, he believes that even tragedy should have lessons. He doesn't push anything away.
He said that he could see his son's murderer, but he had nothing to negotiate with him, because he is not the giver of forgiveness, but God.
It is clear to Emőke Bagdy that she is going through a big internal change, in a "strongly pro-life way", she brought this obligation with her from the mourning journey.
I am there now so that we can say yes to life. Disasters may come, but we have been given life, and if it is left, we should live it
he confesses.
However, he revealed to Vujity Tvrtko that he is not yet mentally ready to hold therapies.
Featured image: Mandiner / Árpád Földházy
