Dr. Gábor T. Túri: Those who do not deserve a funeral

After reading the article entitled "Campaign to End Life" , it occurred to me that this may be the same déjà vu experience for many as the deeply moving lecture that Gianna Jessen, an abortion survivor, gave a few years ago in Queen's Hall, Melbourne, Australia. and later it was also uploaded to the world wide web. Both are about fertilization, but with the opposite sign.

In the end, it was the difference between the two approaches that required me to write this article, because for many of us the topic is truly a déjà vu experience, i.e. as if it had already happened to us once. When?

Once upon a time... Our consciousness tries to hide somewhere in the depths, in the realm of oblivion, the actions we committed against someone at some point and which live on as an unpleasant memory in us.

However, Gianna's presentation was not about the perpetrator, but about the victim. About him, personally. A mother who is beyond the seventh month, deciding on a child born "accidentally", and what this child now thinks about the sanctity of life as an adult. Because he somehow miraculously survived. And the way he talks about fertilization and life in his presentation, about the life that they wanted to take away from him, he certainly sounds authentic. That's why it's so poignant.

Of course, the Church's stance on insemination is rock-solid, and as long as a person is young, they sometimes rail against it. Then later, as he grows older, as he matures into a man, he sees things differently. That's why I was happy after watching Gianna's presentation, and I was happy to send it to a good friend. And since he liked it, he also wanted to spread it, he wanted to present it in a smaller church community in a district of Budapest. However, when he wrote his plan, he also expressed his doubts, that the presentation of the performance might offend or make some people uncomfortable.

I admit, this opportunity escaped my attention because I was only focused on Gianna's shocking sentences, the testimony of this young, passionate woman who survived. However, if you think about it, the doubt is really not negligible, since it could easily be that the performance really wades into some people's most intimate and painful memories. Possible.

In the end, all of this was confirmed when later, in my narrow circle of acquaintances, we talked about the abortion and my friend's concerns, and one of my middle-aged female acquaintances looked at me uncertainly and noted that she thought the concern was justified, because as she said:

"I also had a lump in my throat when I watched this performance and I thought of the child who would be 30 years old now if..."

- and with that he turned away.

Then I only saw his back, but I still noticed that after a while he carefully raised his hand to his eyes. Later, he told me that many, many years ago he also had an unexpected "problem" for which he "didn't see any way out". He felt that his situation was hopeless. So he disappeared from the eyes of his friends for a few days.

Oh well.

Many of us have small or large secrets and memories that cause a lump in our throats, even after 30 years.

Soon after, another friend of mine also told me that when his two older children were already in school, one day his wife announced the blessing of a new child. The age difference between the two children was already big, and it would have been even bigger with the third, but they were still happy. Then the tests came, and it turned out that the baby was not healthy, and the doctor recommended a decisive step. And they chewed and chewed, weighing to see if the doctor wasn't right and the diagnosis was wrong. Or, if not, it's possible that it might not interfere with the development of the other two children as much as first thought. So they agreed to keep the baby. However, in the end, as time went by, they decided differently.

Was their decision right or not? Who knows? Then, in that situation, they decided that way. Today, with older heads, perhaps they too would have a different "final" decision. Because people change, change a lot over the years, even if they often don't want to admit it.

I've changed anyway.

Although the truth is that even at a young age I considered this intervention to be, if not murder, at least to a certain degree wickedness. That's how I thought when in Budapest, during the II. In the operating room of the Women's Clinic, as a strict doctor, I had to assist with abortions. There were just two women in line when I had to hook up in the operating room, whose children would have been born seriously ill. At least that helped ease my conscience. In my youthful enthusiasm, I felt that these mothers "have the right" to their decision, and that I, the doctor, "just help them". After all, this is the doctor's job, this is his profession!

Yet if we think about it, as a "result" of this help, dozens of Hungarians of the future generation die every day in the country's gynecological operating rooms.

"This is how we exterminate our valuable species with our own hands"

- we could say, but they would immediately put the stamp of nationalism and chauvinism on us.

So let's put it differently!

"This is how we decimate the white European population in the hospitals of Berlin, Paris, Budapest, London and other countries."

In this case, they would shout that we are racists and xenophobes.

Well then, let's try it even more nuanced!

"Thousands of PEOPLE are dying in Europe every day as a result of this intervention, the so-called medical aid."

Then let's think about what happens if the radio or television announces that, say, four British and three German soldiers have died as a result of an explosion in Afghanistan. What will we see in a few days? The countries in question receive the remains of the fallen with military pomp and say goodbye to them in an ornate funeral. From three or four soldiers. Of course, this is correct, but at the same time, no one thinks to remember the more than a thousand children and seedlings that Europe loses every day because their parents decide not to live.

Don't they deserve a gorgeous funeral? No! They are not even grounded!

And yet, let's be honest, we killed them too, just like the enemy soldier, to whom we still give a grave, even on foreign soil, just like once upon a time, when German soldiers were also given graves in France, and vice versa, and the French in Germany. Thought provoking. It's really thought provoking.

“This is called birth control! More children would be financially unsustainable for young families," "Nagy Átlag" would interject, while observing the structure and shape of the latest Audi with a merciless eye in its brochure.

"After all, it's the help of our civilized society today," he concludes, then closes his brochure with satisfaction as he decides to buy that Audi Q5.

Of course, I had never seen it so clearly before. I did feel that something was wrong with this "help", but I couldn't formulate what exactly at the time. Because it's a cliché, but there are always two sides to the coin. However, I can say this - perhaps to calm my own conscience - that during my long and varied medical career, if someone was preparing to make such a decision and asked for my advice, I almost always argued in favor of the child to be born. Almost always…

And when not? When the mother herself was still a child. Then I was standing next to him, next to the 13-14-year-old "child", who was brought to me by his parents - the potential grandparents - desperate, teary-eyed, to give me some good advice.

So am I guilty too?

The answer is difficult, because in this case, one sees that the Good Lord, by giving us free will, has also placed a huge responsibility on our shoulders. Because what happens when someone - a parent or a doctor - decides to take the fetus? And now I'm only thinking of the variation in which the child to be born would probably be born sick.

In this case, I see three possibilities, theoretical considerations and attitudes.

If I believe in reincarnation, I am faced with an interesting thing. I will not give the soul to be born, which this time would have the opportunity to correct the mistakes made in its previous life, to do so. I postpone the possibility of a solution until a later time, that is, I delay the ennoblement of the soul.

If I don't believe in reincarnation, but I believe in the teachings of the Christian faith, then the situation is different. I am not facing a soul, but a divine decision. With a divine decision, which wanted to send a soul in human form, at the cost of such difficulties, to the material world, thus wanting to test it and thus wanting to make eternity available to this soul. Because it is well known that the smooth road does not always lead to our goal, therefore a crippled, mentally single-minded person is not necessarily more worthless in God's eyes than a beautiful model with a perfect body and a possible IQ of 140. The point is not the body, but what is covered by the material shell.

On a smooth, paved road, one can easily slip, lose direction, and not reach the destination, while on the other hand, on a bumpy road, one can always find a handhold, even though it is a more difficult road. I learned all this when I visited Csíksomlyo. Even before this, I participated in Golgotha ​​prayers and devotions on the Way of the Cross, when we marched from one crucifix to another, fervently praying - while trying to convince and prove to ourselves that we are good Christians - but the aforementioned 2005 Golgotha ​​in Csíksomlyó was quite different!

At night, in the pitch dark, we moved higher and higher towards the Salvatore chapel, sliding on pebbles and stepping on increasingly steep rocks. There was no built road, no stairs, not even a road sign! Only a tiny flickering candle light indicated the direction, which the intercessor placed in front of the cross when we reached the first station. And in this pitch darkness, where only this one cross lit up near and far, it was so quiet that we only heard our tired panting. Then we prayed aloud and rested. Yes, we rested in front of the cross of the station, only to start again even higher, up, stumbling, towards the next faintly shining cross. And finally up, all the way up at the end of the road, all of us, without exception, collapsed tiredly on the wet grass, and panting, we were silently glad that we had finally arrived and reached our goal.

And it may be that we take away the opportunity from such a shuffling, stumbling, panting soul to be able to happily say: I have arrived at the end of his life, having reached his goal.

Do I have the right to do this? Do I have the right to deny him life? Or take it away?

The third option is the materialistic approach. And this is our trap. Our training is based on this perception, this outlook on life, from our elementary school days until the end of our natural science studies. We start on this track when we step out into life, and doctors are no exception. The body is reality for them, just as it is for the "Great Average", while the soul, on the other hand, is only an assumption. We have to look at their behavior and decisions from this point of view, even when they are faced with a young girl, a mature woman, or a mother with several children. All three of them visit the doctor to get rid of the blessed burden that has unexpectedly fallen into their laps. Because at that moment, each of them feels hopeless about their future.

The girl wants to continue her education, but she is afraid that her parents will find out what happened to her, she is afraid that she won't be able to go to university, and she is afraid - perhaps quite rightly so - that her partner will be afraid of the responsibility, will not stand by her, and will eventually leave her. And the mature woman just got the job she had set her sights on for a long time after her professional training or university graduation. And now finally, admittedly, quite a few years late, but he managed to get it. Finally, the situation is ripe. It made sense to study! - the jubilant feeling washes over him. It made sense to give up the vacations and trips of the previous years, perhaps even the breakup that happened with his great love made sense, since he didn't want to get married just because he didn't want to be tied down. But now you have the job you've been waiting for. And then - like a bolt from the blue - he tells her that she's pregnant! He feels that his life has been derailed and that everything has fallen apart.

And the mother, that certain third woman? What about him? What happened to him? After all, if nothing else, at least he would know what a joy a child is! You know, except that this would be their fifth child, and her husband, the children's father, has not been able to find a job for two years, and they only make ends meet from odd jobs. What will happen to us - they think - if this fifth baby is also born, and maybe it won't even be healthy?

And all three, all three expectant mothers, look to the doctor as their only hope, and at the same time feel that they have the right to get rid of their blessed burden. In modern societies, legally entitled. And the doctor decides. And it "helps".

Then a few days pass, everything slowly falls back into the old routine. It was "only" a week or two of sickness, no more. Then, as if nothing had happened, life goes on, as and where it left off.

But is it really so? Does life go on as before? Have they really been relieved of a burden? This is difficult to answer.

Then unexpectedly, years later, he suddenly comes across a "burden" that was accidentally left alive on the Internet, and with his words he rips open wounds that were thought to have been healed long ago.

Deja vu?

No, it actually happened! And with him. If not exactly the same, the story is very similar. Then pain shoots into the mother, "a lump grows in her throat" and suddenly everything turns upside down.

And the doctor, after watching and listening to Gianna's presentation, the next morning just stands confused in front of the shaving mirror, somehow finding it difficult to look into the familiar eyes opposite.

He then thinks he discovers a vague writing on the forehead of his reflection. "Guilty," he spells it out. Then, confused, he rubs the mirror to see if it's just the mist on the glass causing this strange refraction, but to no avail. "Guilty" - as if an invisible hand had gently rubbed it into the material. He bends down nervously, starts washing his face, then rubs his forehead hysterically, but that doesn't help either. The stamp will remain, and from now on, you will see it every time you look in the mirror.

Why did I watch Gianna's performance? - he thinks with a sweaty forehead, then finally gets into his car and goes to work. To the clinic, where three people are already waiting for him in front of the operating room: a girl, a mature woman, and a mother of four.

Deja vu.

Gianna Jessen's presentation with Hungarian subtitles can be viewed HERE

TTG

Featured image: Gianna Jessen / eu.sctimes.com