Today, we see the extended family as a specialty, whereas once it was completely natural. A family with more than three, often many more, children.
In our modern, materialistic world, when millennia-old values disappear and are lost, it is a serious commitment if someone accepts children from God. The stork came seven times to the Fialka family in Nagylúc, and in the meantime the old small farmhouse was also transformed into a spacious home.
- Even when I was a girl, I searched for the secret of a long and lasting marriage. Based on these, I then looked for my future husband
says Andrea, the mother. A delicate, almost girlish room, no one would say that she carried and gave birth to so many children. She apologizes because her husband, Anti, is not at home, he is currently abroad.
- Although we come from a non-religious family, our parents raised us very well. For love of people and nature, for humility towards work. I met God when I was eighteen years old. After the system change, I started attending a Catholic youth community. My husband and I met there. We converted and became believers at the same time. We consciously prepared for marriage, our values, education level, and interests are similar. I graduated as a kindergarten teacher because I have always loved children. My childhood dream was to have a large family, and I found a suitable partner for this in my husband. In addition to my own children, we sometimes took in other children for longer or shorter periods of time. One of Anna's friends lived with us for three years after her mother died and the family was in a difficult situation. He has been coming back ever since, my children consider him their brother too.
They were married for two years when their first child, Anna, who is now 25, was born. He was followed by 22-year-old Áron Antal, 20-year-old Tamás, 16-year-old Andrea Eszter, 13-year-old András, 11-year-old Ágoston and 5-year-old Márk Ákos.
– Our first child was breech, so he was born by caesarean section. After that, I really struggled to be able to give birth to the next one naturally, as I knew that a maximum of three children were "allowed" by caesarean section. And for me then, a large family meant at least four children. I had help during the periods when I was pregnant and later, we could count on our parents and friends. My husband and I can't spend too much time together, but if we can, we at least take long evening walks together. And if the children fly out, we can definitely spend more time together, we have plans... - says Andrea.
As he says, all their children are different, but he can divide them into two large groups. There are artist types, creatives, and the other group is made up of technically interested, "mechanic" kids. It is no secret that as they grow and more and more of them become adults, they have to practice separation, which is often painful. They should be let go, let them live their lives according to their own ideas, but like a good mother, she is also afraid of her children. Surely, with so many children, patience had to be learned over time, he was much more impatient in his youth.
- Here in the extended family, we polish each other every day. You have to adjust, you have to be able to forgive, you have to exercise patience, you have to let things go. Of course, there are fights between the brothers here too, especially among the boys, but I noticed that as they grow up, they get on better and better terms with each other. Maybe we didn't spoil everything. Now we have two teenagers again, so we're excited to see how things turn out for them. Everyone in our family has their own task.
Some wash the dishes, others wash the towels, the boys also help with the garden work. At the same time, the greatest difficulty was caused by the fact that the children attended a large number of vocational courses. We had to radically reduce them, because we simply couldn't take it physically, and it wasn't easy to keep in mind who had what, when and what they were busy with. Now they only go to places they can get to themselves, for example by bus, they don't need to be transported by car. But there is also a social group for our family, which specifically serves travel logistics. If it turns out that way, their father will take them to Dunaszerdahely in the morning, and bring home those whose time is right in the afternoon. It is important to educate them to be independent.
Source: ma7.sk
"We did not undertake it at the expense of others"
Andrea graduated from preschool education college with three children, and there she heard from an excellent teacher that children socialize well in large families. What's more, it is best for a child who has a younger sister, younger brother and older brother. Among them, Tomi is the lucky one who is given all this.
When the average person hears the word 'big family', they immediately think of material things. That they need a lot of money. According to Andrea, they have always strived to be independent, to be able to generate the necessary money. When she was on parental leave, she baked gingerbread to sell, and her husband took on separate jobs. Of course, there were good people who sometimes sent them various amounts in checks. But to this day, they don't know who those donors were, so they can't even say thank you for it.
Of course, we were also told to our face several times why we had so many children. It was not easy for our parents to accept that they had so many grandchildren. But that's how we planned it at the time, we didn't undertake them at the expense of others. This was our dream. I don't know how much our children will take on. I have no idea how attractive our example will be to them. We try to raise them to be fair, but they are also affected by what is happening in the world.
We ask Áron, who is talking to his brothers in the room, how many seedlings he wants. He says three, but also adds, only in a few years. And the 20-year-old Tamás is decisive, he is six.
As a kindergarten teacher, Andrea also experiences how much it affects young children when father and mother separate. They still don't know what to think of the fact that sometimes they sleep here and sometimes there, and why their parents aren't together.
Christmas in the Fialka family
– We decorate the Christmas tree well in advance, which reduces stress somewhat. We also go to nativity scenes with friends' families. We bake with the girls, days before Christmas. For us, Christmas is the birthday of Jesus, and on this occasion we give gifts to each other, especially things made with our own hands. Of course, we also prepare wish lists from which we select what they want the most. We also like games that can be played by more than one person, and that can be purchased.
That's why, for example, we already have legos by the bag. It's also good that I work in a kindergarten, because we prepare very creatively for Christmas. I always come home from work feeling refreshed, and we like to make our own decorations. There is always a reason to celebrate with us, because there is always someone's birthday. On the other hand, we often have problems with name days, it's hard to remember them - says Andrea with a laugh.
As parting words, he also talks about how he wouldn't trade with anyone. What he imagined in his youth has come true. The path she and her husband took was necessary for a full life.
– We break a little, we rise a little, we revive. We are much better able to empathize with other people's situations, because we have experienced many things ourselves. If our faith were not so strong, we could have despaired many times. Fortunately, we are able to see beyond the momentary things, which gives us a lot of strength. God will hold our hands.
