"This is also true for athletes, for example, if they succeed with their coach. What should an athlete do who is abused by his coach, but with whom he will be successful? Many times, professionals don't even have a choice," he said.
According to the clinical psychologist, it is important to strengthen one's identity in childhood. You need a stable core of identity, which can be stabilized with attachment, the system of emotions and their activation, and personal relationship resources.
"Therefore, we need connected parents who say that so far and no, the coach will no longer come! Regardless, abuse can still happen. Even children from good families can become victims or even aggressors," he said.
That's why we have to notice the age characteristics, the difficulties, normative and non-normative conflicts that enter the life of a young immature nervous system - said Melinda Hal, who drew attention to the fact that adolescence is basically a hormonal boom, accompanied by the dripping from the digital space a flood of stimuli, for which the nervous system of not only a child, but also an adult, is not prepared.
"A child, a teenager, learns that violence is not good. Then he sits down with his parents to watch the news, 80 percent of which is violence. We haven't even talked about the movies, for example, the fact that movies based on sexual violence like Fifty Shades of Gray are shown at seven in the evening. Then we expect them to be able to decide whether violence is good or not. I don't think they can. This dissonance becomes even more complicated in an abusive relationship, whether in a relationship or at work. We can put on the right protective cover if we know perfectly who we are," added the expert, who said that previous generations had a much more stable "personality core".
“There was a lot more bonding. The proof of this is that ten years ago I was talking about the fact that there are a lot of insecurely attached people in society, today I have to talk about the fact that there are a lot of people who are not attached at all," he said.
Its reasons stem from the digital space and the result-oriented world. Personal relationships eroded, the gap between generations widened. Fewer and fewer people visit their grandparents, as they are either no longer alive or are far away. We give birth later and later. Thus, they cannot pass on their experiences to their children and grandchildren. It can be seen that the multi-generational family houses have disappeared.
And the digital pacifier does not have an educational effect on young people, but rather destroys the core of identity that still exists.
In addition, religion, spirituality, going to the community are completely disappearing. In many cases, there is no national, gender, or intellectual identity, i.e. we do not formulate: where do I stand compared to others, what do I think of myself, what can I do in my life, what is the situation with my self-esteem. It is also important how well I can create my own security, how dependent I am on others, whether I am a person with external or internal control. External stimuli are what define me more, or I can control things in my life. It's usually best to be somewhere in between, so I can switch between the two. That would be ideal, he said.
For an athlete, performance often overrides the emotional system. We can stop this process with support and with the education of educators regarding spiritual topics, Melinda Hal emphasized.
Source: Anna Kismarty / hirado.hu
Cover photo: Facebook/Danuta Kozák
